Explore being a man

Feeling good has less to do with what happens to you and more to do with what you think and do about it, so even little changes can make a big difference to how you deal with life.

Section updated 11 Apr 13

1. A touch of voyeruism
   Masturbating in front of your lover - with or without erotic talk - is a wholesome and educational way to turn both yourself and your lover on.
2. Active relaxation
   Relaxation is fundamental to being aware of your body - if you are tense or wound up, you will not be able to feel what your body is doing.
3. Body awareness exercise
   Stand up, close your eyes and feel your body touching the floor you are standing on.
4. Body image
   Beauty, youth, vigour, and health are extolled in our society. It's impossible to watch television, view a film, or read a magazine without seeing idealised models or actors portraying what is supposed to represent the height of physical and material perfection. We are taught to believe that outer appearance is everything.
5. Body image tips
   Take reasonably good care of your body. This only means be sure that you eat enough, sleep enough, drink enough liquids, use the bathroom when you have to, have enough space in your life, and be adequately warmed in winter and cooled in summer. Do not become obsessed with your body: you only need to take care of your body adequately, not perfectly.
6. Breathing to relax
   Take off your shoes and undo or remove any items of clothing that restrict movement or breathing - belts, ties, tight buttons, etc.
7. Explore your body
   Most of us have known times when we felt totally at home in our bodies - vibrant, alive, assured, in touch with ourselves and aware of our sensual contact with the world around us. Yet most of those times have been all too brief: enoyed while on holiday, perhaps, only to fade afterwards.
8. Home is where the fun starts
   The following exercise is only a guide to what you can do. Use it as a starting point to explore your body and feel your way to other methods of pleasuring your body. These techniques are just as good as a starting point for exploring another person's body too, so don't be afraid of adding some of these techniques to your repertoire.
9. How to receive an erotic massage
   Following are some basic points to bear in mind for your first massage - with a professional or with your partner.
10. Listening
    Sit comfortably near an open window. Close your eyes and remain very still and quiet. Focus your hearing on sounds immediately around you.
11. Looking
    Sit comfortably and let your gaze settle on the outline of something fairly simple and strong in shape, like a chair or a table or a vase of flowers.
12. Loving yourself, first
    People differ in their self-conceptions. Some people, particularly those in individualistic western cultures, assume an independent self. Others, often in Asia and third world cultures, assume an interdependent self.
13. Nudity: the ultimate stress relief
    Looking for a unique way to relax? Spend a whole day without your clothes! Nudity - social or alone at home - is a great way to release stress. Apart from the freedom of not wearing clothes that are tight or weigh one down, nudity allows you to see and feel more of your body.
14. Outercourse
    Outercourse refers to all sexual activity that does not involve sexual intercourse, anal sex or oral sex. No bodily fluids are exchanged, and outercourse is therefore considered a safe sex practice.
15. Premature ejaculation
    Ejaculating earlier than you want almost every time you have sex.
16. Reach out to touch
    As men we have a strong need to hold hands, to be held, to hug, receive a nonsexual massage, have our face or arms stroked, be cuddled, caressed, etc.
17. Releasing tension
    Sit quietly for a few minutes, just breathing and noticing yourself. Pay attention to how you feel and why.
18. Rules for being human
    Need some help maintaining a healthy perspective, a positive attitude and inner satisfaction and confidence. See how you feel about these ideas:
19. Sense and sensation
    Our senses are our point of contact with the world. They bring us pleasure and pain, experience and information. By increasing your responsiveness and sensitivity, you can open up a whole new way of being and extend what you learn into all aspects of your life.
20. Sensual massage
    Begin by lightly stroking your partner with the tips of your fingers. Start with the back, and then move to the shoulders, arms, buttocks, thighs and calves. Remember to use only light, teasing strokes.
21. Smell
    Collect together strong smelling items, like perfume, flowers, fresh herbs, soap or lemons and oranges.
22. Social nudity for peace of mind
    There are lots of reasons why socialising naked can be good for you.
23. Taste
    Choose a fresh piece of fruit or vegetable and cut into small morsels. Slowly chew one morsel at a time, savouring its flavour by rolling it around your mouth.
24. The art of erotic massage
    There is a strong presumption that erotic massage is simply a way for losers and wimps to get off by paying for sex that they could not otherwise obtain. Here is a differing view.
25. Touch
    Select objects of differing textures, weights and shapes, like a small pebble, an ice cube, some fabric, a feather and a wooden spoon. Place what you have chosen in front of you.
26. What is a cock ring?
    A cock ring is an object that typically goes around the base of both the penis and scrotum. Since veins are closer to the surface of the skin than arteries, this has the effect of allowing blood to flow into the penis but restricts its ability to flow outwards.